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Why Do I Feel Guilty About Mom’s New Senior Community?

July 10, 2019

It’s normal to have mixed emotions when you move your mom out of the family home. You know that you made the best decision for mom’s well-being. However, many caregivers experience moments of guilt. If the following thoughts sound familiar, use these tips to focus on the positives.

I failed mom.

There’s no one way to take care of mom as she ages. Avoid comparing yourself to others and feeling like you failed because you made a different choice. Even if you planned to keep mom at home or wanted to stay her primary caregiver longer, things change. Then, you have to make the best choice you can in your new situation. Remember, your goal is to provide mom with the care she needs. If you decided senior living was the best way to reach that goal, then you haven’t failed.

I won’t spend enough time with her.

You may find that mom thrives in her new environment. While she may spend less time with you, she’ll be enjoying new activities and connecting with others. Instead of feeling guilty about the amount of time you’ll be losing, focus on the time you do have. Your connection with mom is special, and as long as you have meaningful moments together, the quantity of time isn’t as important.

Sometimes I feel guilty because I lose my patience.

Navigating life with your aging mom can be difficult. This is especially true if mom has dementia or other memory problems. And, no one is perfect. According to the AARP, negative feelings are a part of normal family life. Instead of feeling guilty, give yourself a break. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you may need to take time away or find a trusted person who can listen. By taking care of yourself, you’ll be better able to take care of mom.

I don’t want her to feel abandoned.

It’s common to worry that mom will feel like you don’t care as much because you don’t live as close by. But, when you get mom the care she needs, you are not abandoning her. In fact, your ability to make hard decisions about her well-being actually shows how much you care. Instead, work out a regular schedule to visit and try to focus on the many benefits that come with living in a community.

As you and mom adjust to her new community, it’s likely that any feelings of guilt will slowly go away. At Monticello West, we’re here to guide you both through the transition to senior living. Learn more about our community and how we can make it as stress-free – and guilt-free – as possible.

Call (214) 528-0660 and speak with a representative who can address your concerns.

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“Mom loves her apartment. It’s nicely painted and carpeted, and the size is perfect for her. She has a living room area with a full-size couch and chairs, so she can entertain guests. I visit a couple of times a week, and my husband swings by on other days. My son stops by every few weeks, too. Mom has her own space that looks and feels like home. Every time I’m there, she just seems contented. ”

-Cindy, Daughter of Resident

“The minute I entered the community I liked what I saw, but it didn’t stop there. I’ve visited other communities where the furniture was lovely in the main areas and when you proceeded down the hallways, it was a different scenario. But as we continued to look around at Monticello West, I thought: This is pleasant! ”

-Mary, Resident

“The staff is caring and genuine. From the beginning, we didn’t feel like we were being processed, date-stamped and handed off to the next person. The community must have an exceptional hiring process, because I have yet to find someone there who isn’t qualified, doesn’t respect me or that I don’t enjoy. The caregivers are polite, and perhaps most important, I trust them.”

-Susan, Daughter of Resident

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5114 McKinney Avenue

Dallas, TX 75205

P: (214) 528-0660

F: (214) 520-2511

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